MAFS Recap, Season 17 Episode 11

Emily and Brennan

The Missing Pizza the Puzzle

Figuring the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach, Emily throws Brennan a pizza-making party. Brennan did mention that pizza is his first love, so this is a smart move. It goes slightly better than their wig party - Brennan doesn't threaten to throw anyone off the roof - but Emily's pineapple toppings don't help.

New Yorkers, and even Long Islanders like Brennan, aren't about fruit on their pie. If Emily eats pizza with a fork, it's grounds for divorce.

For now, they're still married, in spite of Dr. Pia's best efforts the night before. We learn that after Pia berated Brennan for not kissing her ring, she went on to suggest he and Emily do a head-to-toe skin cancer exam, poking each other like the Pillsbury Doughboy along the way.

Um, no. This is the woman Brennan is supposed to take life advice from?? Pillsbury Doughboobs Pia has zero credibility after proposing nonsense sexercises like this. Brennan offers instead to hug Emily more, and she takes what she can get.

A Pony for Your Thoughts

The advice Pia the quackspert should have given these two is the same she gave to Clare and Cameron – have fun. Emily and Brennan are most connected when they're sharing exciting activities. It highlights their compatible lifestyles. It also makes Brennan not want to kill himself.

In this vein, the couple decides to celebrate their monthiversary with some horseback riding. They head to a place called Devil's Thumb Ranch, which sounds like a really spicy salad dressing, but Emily's the only one getting spicy. When Brennan takes a shine to his horse Gucci, Emily is jealous. Jealous of a horse. A horse.

Emily laments Brennan's “spark” with Gucci instead of with her and seems generally annoyed that Brennan is having a good time. It's not a good look. Does Emily know how to have fun? Not if she's sober.

Instead of mocking Brennan's enjoyment, she should have joined him in making jokes about their horses. Let Brennan have his emotional support animal. Totally neglected, Emily's poor horse Doc gets no love from his rider. He's the closest thing to a real doctor on this show, but Emily only likes fake doctors who scold her husband on camera.

After riding, Emily and Brennan head out to a fancy dinner. When Brennan is again forced by the producers to speak about his lack of attraction, all of the animation he showed with Gucci fades to a blank stare. He discloses that in the past he would run once relationships hit a snag, branding Emily a red flag.

Not nice, Brennan. While Brennan is mostly gracious as he's made to repeatedly beat this dead horse - earmuffs Gucci - his irritation does spill over onto Emily at times. He can definitely be kinder with his words.

She rightly asks why she's a red flag, and Brennan ties it to the fizzling of his attraction. Yeah, that's not what red flag means. Emily follows up with a question about Brennan's avoidance in past relationships, and he avoids the question by saying there's no analogy to be made. He says all he can do in this situation is take things “day by day”, which he's decided is his new motto.

Someone's trying to memory hole “divorce is not an option”. Sorry, dude. The t-shirts are already printed.

To be fair, few real-world dating scenarios progress if attraction is not instantly established. So Brennan's answer is not necessarily evasive, but he still could have offered up more insight into his romantic history. It's called making conversation. For her part, Emily's questions are too narrow and make Brennan feel like he's being interrogated.

Focusing every interaction on the same subject can only put Brennan on the defensive, just like Cameron's fixation with intimacy did with Clare. This is not how you grow affection. Being a one-trick pony will only drive your partner away. Just ask Gucci and Doc.

Married at Forced Sight

Since monthiversaries are the MAFS equivalent of Stassi's birthday, the week-long celebration continues with a group dinner. Nothing sparks joy in the heart of Brennan like getting together with everyone to talk about feelings. In honor of the occasion, he wears his best $10 hoodie. The girls show up in full evening gowns. Tell me you hate your life without telling me you hate your life.

As the usual uninspired questions make the rounds, Brennan is not amused. He dodges the first one and gives his standard “day by day” answer when Clare bluntly asks if he sees a future with Emily.

Brennan is clearly annoyed with having to attend another AA meeting he didn't sign up for. If you watch the early episodes, you can see he is articulate and conversational. This terse crank we see now is a form of civil disobedience. Brennan's more upset with the show than Emily, but she's not making the distinction.

Watching Clare and Cameron end their divorce over the same lack of attraction he's facing, Brennan realizes he's been had. The one time he seems engaged the whole night is when he pleadingly asks Austin if he and Becca have overcome their issues, searching for a ray of hope. When they answer that they're still working through them, Brennan has all the confirmation he needs that this process is a sham.

Real experts don't go 0-for-5. Brennan got a lemon, and he's not interested in making lemonade. For a guy who considers himself a street-smart New Yorker - really just a suburban Long Islander - being taken in by a bunch of reality TV hacks is enraging. Credit to Brennan for not taking it out on Emily like a lot of spouses do (remember Johnny), but his disillusionment is still affecting her deeply.

Putting the Heart Before the Horse

Emily’s frustration is through the roof as Brennan refuses to participate in this orgy of sentimentality. She storms off to the bathroom with Clare in tow. It turns out Clare not only hates her own marriage, but just marriage in general. She counsels Emily to walk away, but Emily rebuffs her. Emily admits that she really cares about Brennan and wants to stick it out.

It's worth noting that in spite of the beating Brennan takes online, he is a catch. That's why Emily is so into him, their difficulties notwithstanding. He's personable, bright, decent, ambitious, and confident. Certainly, this is not the best version of him, but there's still plenty there to like.

Still, Emily's frustrated with Brennan's lack of expression. What he's supposed to be expressing is unclear. He can't tell Emily what she wants to hear. She wants an easy fix, and that's not how relationships, romantic or otherwise, work. Her impatience is understandable but not justified.

The kicker is that Emily's main complaint is that Brennan is embarrassing her in front of the group. She doesn't want to be seen trying harder than he is. It's fine to have pride, but Brennan is not trying to make Emily look bad. She did that herself at the bachelorette party.

Brennan follows Emily out to their Uber and tries to comfort her. He apologizes for not doing enough and affirms that she's doing more than him. He insists that he is trying but doesn't know what to do. It's the truth, whether Emily accepts it or not. She responds that she needs more or she will eventually resent him. That is not the truth. She already resents him. Hell, she resents Gucci.

Emily needs to be honest with herself. Does she want the sympathy of the experts and the other girls, or does she want a good man? Does she expect Brennan to magically transform, or is she willing to support him through the hard slog of personal growth? Is marriage worth the risk of heartache, or would she rather ride solo again?

You can’t put the cart before the horse. Brennan will get there or he won’t. All Emily can do is decide if he’s worth the wait.

Check back tomorrow for Becca and Austin’s recap, with a dash of Michael thrown in.