At the halfway point, the guys take their concubines to the demolition derby. Some of the connections are stalled in first gear, while others are about to be crushed by reality. Mostly, the girls complain about the farmers spinning their wheels.
It seems like the producers are also frustrated by the lack of action and have deployed host Jennifer Nettles for a more hands-on role. She's there to admonish the guys for not building individual bonds, but primarily for not creating enough drama. Jen's hoping for a second season, and things aren't looking good right now. More tears, boys!
On the women's side, some have hacked the game and found out which buttons to push for a quick kiss. More kisses do not necessarily mean more romance, as most come under duress.
With three weeks left to go, when do the guys start making real choices and stop trying to keep the peace? Who knew cowboys were such pansies? Stop grinding your gears and hit the gas.
Hunter
Hunter is reaping the benefits of making good choices early on. He picked well in the speed-dating round way back and has no needy whiners in his bunch. Out of the four girls left, Devonne is the most frustrated with her lack of 1-on-1 time, but maintains a positive attitude with no whimpering.
The truth is Devonne seems too bohemian for Hunter - I could see her being really into crystals - so it makes sense that their attraction has lagged. Devonne seems to be playing the part of a cowgirl more than actually being one. It's the Williamsburg version of Annie Oakley.
She's also too tall for Hunter, which doesn't help. Hunter might be confident, but those boot heels only go so high.
As expected, Hunter does confess to the other guys that he's growing strong feelings for Meghan. She's a farm girl, sweet, sassy, and, according to Hunter, “there's no game to this one” (at least that’s what I heard through his accent). It also doesn't hurt that Meghan looks like a young Christie Brinkley.
As Hunter and the girls sit around the campfire, potential wedding destinations come up. Hunter makes a point to ask Meghan where she would want her nuptials. It's might as well be a proposal. Sydney still has a chance, but Meghan is the clear front runner.
She gets the next date, obviously, and off they go. I wouldn't be surprised if they head straight to Vegas.
Recap: Meg America Great Again
Ryan
Ryan's word of the week is 'solid'. He's solidly solid in solidarity with his solid mom Betty, who comes to visit the ranch. She brags to the girls about how she raised a respectful son, although she hasn't yet seen all the kissing b-roll.
After talking to the ladies for five minutes, Mama Betty is ready to deliver her verdict. She likes Lily but prefers Sarah because she's solid and comfortable in her own skin, whatever that means.
Solid is not the word that comes to mind with Sarah. She seems ditsy and a bit of lightweight, whether she is or isn't. She even looks like she's filled with air and might just float away.
Regardless, Mom's words mean a lot to Ryan, especially since that's the way he was leaning anyway. After all, Sarah's on-camera kiss count stands at two, so she's already racing from the pole.
The girl he kissed first, Haley, has fallen behind. While tailgating, she starts to tailspin, wondering if Ryan still likes her. She tells a producer she didn't come on the show to be a background character. Classic NPC.
As any good reality TV producer would do, he advises her to take Ryan aside and tell him how she feels. Haley does, and demands Ryan show her they still have a connection.
Ryan reassures how by doing what he does in every situation: he kisses her. This one is more of a make-out situation, which leaves Haley fully affirmed with not a care in the world. Girls are dumb.
With that landmine defused, Ryan goes on to pick Sarah for his next date. As strong as their chemistry is, will they go past first base in their alone time? Or have they already? This is Ryan after all, whose mother raised him to be such a solid and respectful gentleman. Moms are dumb.
Recap: Solid as a wreck
Allen
We finally get to see more of Rebecca this episode, and it becomes clear why Allen is keeping her around. She's a horse trainer, FFS. How did she not get the first date? She and Allen share a flirty moment while feeding the horses.
On the other end of the spectrum, Allen finds Kiersten journaling on the porch. It's never a good sign when a woman journals. That's one step away from crafting. While Kiersten pretends to have a lot to write in her book-o-feelings, she has nothing to say to Allen. Awkward moment ensues.
At the group outing, Cassidy Jo tacitly admits that Allen kissed her. She pretends to reluctantly kiss-and-tell, but she conveniently leaves out the part where she held a gun to Allen’s head. Rebecca, Khelsi, and Kiersten are all rocked by this news. Did they not know the premise of the show?
Rebecca and Kiersten act like it's just about how they found out. Cassidy Jo says she hadn't told them before because she “doesn't talk about me and Allen”. Um, you just did.
Khelsi is more transparent. She says she's hurt Allen kissed Cassidy Jo right after their date, and on camera, no less. She gives the impression that she and Allen had some sort of understanding on their date. Maybe he told her she was his favorite, or maybe she gave him a blowjob on the way home. Either way, she acts as if the kiss was a major betrayal.
Most likely, all the girls are jealous because they wanted to be the first.
Khelsi decides two can play this game and goes to complain to Allen. He demurs and gives Khelsi a consolation kiss. Like Haley, Khelsi acts as if getting kissed after you begged for it is somehow a win.
She's no better than Cassidy Jo, backing Allen into a corner to show affection. Unlike Cassidy Jo, Allen is blushing afterwards.
In the end, Allen sends Kiersten and her dear diary packing and picks Rebecca for the next date. Allen and Rebecca leave in their matching Canadian tuxedos, like a modern-day Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears.
Recap: Kiss me late
Landon
Landon is so determined to avoid confrontation, that we barely see him in this episode. Instead, the girls take center stage as he hides in the bushes.
We learn that Zoe is already divorced. Shocker. The way she dressed down Landon at the rodeo makes you think her ex is probably still in therapy. Ashley L finally gets some camera time, although we still know nothing about her other than that she smiles a lot.
Ashley R, the other Ashley from the first date, speaks up a little more this episode. She's concerned that she and Landon have had no 1-on-1 time since their initial date.
None? Landon's avoidance skills are truly world-class if this is true. He somehow manages to never see the girls while living 20 feet from them. I guess that's the benefit of owning acres and acres of land – plenty of room to disappear. Do the girls even have his phone number? No sexting?
Ashley R pulls Landon aside to explain that this process is more serious for her because she has a daughter. She might be sincere, but it might also be a guilt trip trying to squeeze a kiss out of Landon. Maybe Haley and Khelsi have been sharing strategy notes with the other girls.
Unlike Ryan and Allen, Landon is not so easily manipulated. He tells her he's still into her and to not give up on him yet. No kiss. Landon's no hussy.
Since he can't pick Kylie again, he picks Ashley L for their next date. As they walk off together, it becomes clear why they could never work. Ashley L is 3 feet tall and barely reaches Landon's belly button. How many men want to marry a woman who still needs a booster seat at dinner?
Next week's episode should be interesting when they go to the county fair and Ashley L isn't tall enough for any of the rides.
Recap: Seen and not herd